... merci boucoup...

bonjour! just me again, amy (obviously). 287,338 steps, 581 flights of stairs, 129.53 (!) miles, and about one week later, and i'm just taking the time to offer one final reflection about my adventure abroad (though, i won't stop reflecting on this experience any time soon (if ever), that's for sure). remember when i said, way back when, that comments about the "bravery" of solo travel always surprised me (like, um, i should have done this years and years ago but didn't -- what's so brave about that?)? well, i get it now (and it has nothing to do with time, space, or age): in taking this trip, across the atlantic, to a foreign land where i'd never been, i exercised a certain degree of bravery by deliberately putting myself in a multitude situations where i was completely vulnerable (most notably in paris, where english was not the primary language) and alone -- that's brave, that's courageous, that's badass, actually. and, more importantly, it's exhilarating, it's empowering, it's validating. turns out i am a brave person who is willing to take risks, even when the stakes (getting mugged by gypsies or wetting myself in public, for example) are high. who knew? (yeah, ok, you knew, and i did, too; but now i really know).

let me just say a few things about perspective. during the planning and preparation phases, several of my friends told me that this trip would alter my perspective, that i'd come back changed -- which, at the time, was a mysterious statement, one that didn't hold a whole lot of tangible meaning for me. i mean, to be fair, i certainly understand that, if we're living right, new experiences always teach us a thing  or two ... or a hundred; but, there was just no way for me to grasp the depth of the sentiment pre-trip, simply because of my lack of worldly experience. and, so, it follows, i really couldn't wait to see what those words would come to mean (and i knew they'd mean something important because i have some very wise friends).

well, i understand better now: alter my perspective? this trip completely changed my perspective about myself, my potential (both in the immediate and in the future), and my place in the world. while my essence remains the same (i mean, i'm still amy at the core), i did come back a changed person: i am more relaxed, more confident, more open, more aware, and, most importantly, less afraid. in many ways, i feel restored -- no longer encumbered by the lingering pain of past wounds; less inhibited by the chains of insecurity and fear; and more alive. more alive.

the universe was beyond kind to me whilst i was away, presenting me with gift, upon gift, upon gift. i can't say i've ever known such generosity. or, maybe, it just goes to show what can happen when a person opens herself up and actually takes the time to pay attention, to walk through each day with her head up and her eyes wide open. and the beauty of it all: no one needs to travel 4000 miles to discover the endless power of the universe -- she just needs to pay attention, from wherever she may be.

since i've been back, many people have asked me about the transition back to daily life. i'm not going to lie: it's been tough, really tough ... and not because i returned to some sort of shitty existence, either (quite the contrary: i live a very sweet, rich life, this i know). getting back into the routine of things has been fairly easy (save for the sleep -- how i miss those 9:30/10:00am rise times!) -- funny (and not in a "ha ha" kind of way, either) how that happens, getting right back into the swing of things, barely even missing a beat. the hard part is managing the overwhelming (almost suffocating) desire to be somewhere else, especially now that i know that somewhere else and really, really, really like (love, love, love) it. for the last week, i've felt like (what i imagine) a heroine addict must feel like coming off a really good high: slightly depressed and worried about when she will get her next hit (this isn't the best metaphor, is it? might help if i were actually a heroine addict ... just kidding). suffice it to say: the travel/adventure bug has bitten -- and he left marks, deep, deep, deep marks. the good news: there will be another trip; now, it's just a matter of when ... and where.

finally (well, at least for this space in the blogosphere), i have to say: it's been an enormous pleasure maintaining this space over the last several weeks, both in terms of the joy that i find in exercising my creative spirit by putting finger to keyboard, so to speak, and in knowing that i've brought a group of readers along with me. i thought i'd get lonely, long to have someone to talk to at the end of each day... but this space helped me stay connected, helped me fill what otherwise might have been a distracting void. and now i have an account of what amounted to be the best three weeks of my life, peppered with comments from the people whom i love the most. talk about gifts from the universe...

au revoir, for now.